The R&B/Soul Love Men and Pandermania

By now, it ought to be common knowledge to all music lovers that music as we know it, is a “product” financially sponsored and marketed by music labels, crafted by songwriters and music arrangers, and delivered by sales men and women known as “singers”, irrespective of the genre, for the purpose of behavioural conditioning. (Agreed, there are few with good intentions which are to inspire and conscientize with their music. These ones never flourish in the mainstream).

Consequently, it then suffices that most of the lyricism expressed by singers misalign with their sentiments and world view. For instance, within the purview of R&B, manifold love men (the term originates from Otis Redding’s song “Love Man”) arose whose songs were especially targeted at women to gnaw at their heartstrings and dismantle their emotional and psychological defences. These men sonically bewitched, mesmerised, seduced, enchanted and stupefied many women with their soulful voices and charming personae, that many concluded that the message and messengers were unified. However, over time, it became clear that these men were as sexist as they come, and that love song croonery was merely a meal ticket and not their personal philosophy.

Historically, every genre of music created by the black population served as a signifier of their collective lived experiences in time. Rhythm and Blues was created as an embodiment and reflection of the Great Emigration of the early 20th century which witnessed a massive movement of the black population from the Antebellum South to other perceptibly vibrant parts of the US.

The initial song catalogue and lyrics reflected everyday socio-cultural activities and would extend to embrace themes of a social construct called romantic love which anchored the emergence of the love economy seen in novels, Disney movies and music. Romantic love, it appears, was designed as a capital or weapon for economically disenfranchised men to foster access to women.

Patriarchy had established a hierarchical standard of masculine categorization which was the attainment of certain perceived ideals such as power, status, wealth, titles, material acquisitions, etc. If a man met these ideals, he was deemed worthy of respect and recognition in the society. He could acquire as many women, since they were the reward of his hard work. But if a man failed, patriarchy provided a soft landing. Since they lacked weighty pockets, they approached women with cheap rhetorics in the form of poetry, love letters and songs.

Love as we have been conditioned to accept is a mere fleeting feeling. In actuality, love is an action word encompassing kindness, compassion, empathy, generosity, respect and emotional intelligence. True love requires authenticity, emotional connection and investment devoid of shallowness and empty words. But these virtues were overly cumbersome and tasking for the patriarchy and love was adulterated and reduced to a bare minimum feeling stripped of responsibility.

Within the ambit of R&B, black women were the primary consumers of romantic love songs. They fervently bought the music and attended the concerts. They religiously listened, reflected, internalized and dreamed that someday men with similar thought processes expressed in the songs they heard, would manifest in their lived reality. However, it became clear that the love men’s perception of their patrons was merely transactional.

Romantically, the love men found them undesirable. Some were gay. Some were romantically affiliated with women of other races. Some were misogynistic abusers and malignant philanderers. Some despised single mothers on one hand, but on the other, were masters of impregnation and abandonment. If ever a Black woman enjoyed a romantic laison with a R&B love man, it was as a placeholder and support system during his humble beginnings. The moment he gained fame and fortune, the woman was quickly discarded and replaced with a foreign preference.

Stories abound of R&B love men and their sordid antics and escapades in the media. Marvin Gaye was allegedly gay and a paedophile who abused his juvenile second wife. Barry White was a philanderer whose sexual recklessness led to a marital termination with his disciplined wife, Glodean. Luther Vandross never had a publicized relationship with a woman. It has been revealed that he was a closet gay who was afraid of disappointing his mother, and of course his fans, mostly women. Gerald Levert never married. He had a disdain for single mothers, but kept impregnating women.

Johnny Gill has been called gay, despite his refutal. He has been romantically linked to Eddie Murphy and even Luther Vandross. He has a son whose mother is unknown. Brian McKnight abandoned his first family created with his black wife and described them as having been the product of sinfulness. Today, he is married to an exotic woman whose children have become his responsibility while his first set of children suffer.

Babyface has been married thrice and it begs the question why would a man who has thrilled and lyrically captured the hearts of women for over three decades have romantic challenges with women in reality. When his second wife Tracey left, she appeared on the Wendy Williams Show where she revealed that after thirteen years of marriage, she had to leave Babyface for her safety’s sake. Sadly, her statement was never probed further to reveal details. This is an indication that the real lives of our beloved R&B love men contradicts the songs that they sing. Consequently, it behooves women to listen with caution for all that glitters is a far cry from being gold.

What follows is a playlist comprising the songs rendered by R&B love men over the years.

1 . Aaron Neville. “Use Me” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnUTp4qC1cc The Tattooed Heart (1995).

2. Alexander O’ Neal. “If You Were Here Tonight” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIKEIAyQ6sE Alexander O’ Neal (1985).

3. Al Green. “Let’s Stay Together” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXx6RDzR6eM Stay Together (1972).

4. Anthony Hamilton. “Pray For Me” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blTAuXHv9nY Back To Love (2011).

5. Babyface. “Every Time I Close My Eyes” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-VurRjO6EA The Day (1996).

6. Barry White. “You’re The First, The Last, My Everything” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN8b1-26E7c Gold (1974).

7. Billy Ocean. “The Colour Of Love” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsiNCThXrr0 Tear Down These Walls (1988).

8. Bobby Brown. “Roni” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGySW4HMdRE Don’t Be Cruel (1988).

9. Bobby Womack. “If You Think You’re Lonely Now” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKH52rUZj9E The Poet (1981).

10. Brian McKnight. “Back At One” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8UaAoNKI6k Back At One (1999).

11. Carl Thomas. “Special Lady” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqYWh4PuP88 Emotional (2000).

12. Case. “Think Of You” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21avV759Yh8 Personal Conversation (1999).

13. Chris Brown. “With You” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmjdaBaZe8Y Exclusive (2007).

14. Christopher Williams. “All I See” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhY8k2YPpyU Changes (1992).

15. D’ Angelo. “Brown Sugar” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaV7oCyFXaY Brown Sugar (1995).

16. Donnell Jones. “I Wanna Love You” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9tUYDLKYwk Where I Wanna Be (1999).

17. Donny Hathaway. “I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dko6eQl4w2s Extension of a Man (1973).

18. El DeBarge. “Where Is My Love?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA6S-U7ZkNk Heart, Mind and Soul (1994).

19. Eric Benet. “Love Of My Own” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxLRqd-TfrY A Day In The Life (1999).

20. Eugene Wilde. “Gotta Get You Home” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5TTV3s9OZU Hits Anthology (1984).

To Be Continued